UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. — On Sept. 21, the United Nations will celebrate the 25th anniversary of its International Day of Peace, created to remind the world that peace, “not only is the absence of conflict, but also requires a positive dynamic participatory process where dialogue is encouraged, and conflicts are solved with the spirit of mutual understanding and cooperation.”

As a new semester continues to unfold, Linda Falcone, a University extension educator of leadership and community vitality, shares how we can embody that spirit in our everyday lives.

Q:  How can people learn to handle the emotional stress that comes from conflict?

Falcone: The amygdala, the portion of the brain responsible for processing emotions, can trigger an "amygdala hijacking" during conflict, leading to sudden, irrational overreactions. Psychologist Daniel Goleman explains that, in such moments, our bodies release stress hormones that increase our heart rate and cloud logical thinking. This automatic response often causes us to regret our actions once the situation has passed and we can think calmly.

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing our stress response when we are upset. By stopping to take a breath and think before reacting, we can override our primal response and choose a thoughtful approach. Focus on understanding your emotions without reacting impulsively and consider how our response might affect the situation.

Mindfulness can help us approach conflicts with a clearer, more balanced perspective, leading to more thoughtful and effective communication.

Some research suggests there are five main styles for addressing conflict: avoiding the issue, accommodating the wishes of others, competing to win, compromising, or collaborating for a mutually beneficial solution. In most cases, collaboration yields the best results when both parties remain open and work together to find the best solution.

Q: How can we effectively manage conflict?

Falcone: Effective conflict resolution involves recognizing that the other person likely shares your discomfort and desires respectful treatment and understanding. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and approach the situation with a calm tone and cooperative mindset. Avoid blame and threats, and instead, use listening and empathy to build the relationship. While a resolution might not always be possible, treating others respectfully and applying conflict management tools can enhance relationships and reduce stress.

When faced with conflict, we can avoid the situation or engage thoughtfully. Avoidance might be appropriate when emotions are high or the timing is wrong, but it can also perpetuate misunderstandings, leading to unresolved issues. When time is needed to determine the best course of action, acknowledge the issue's importance and set a future time to discuss it.

When addressing conflict, the tone of your voice and speech intensity can significantly impact the outcome. A calm, measured tone is more effective than shouting. Start by acknowledging your contributions to the conflict and use cooperative approaches, such as apologizing if necessary. Actively listen, paraphrase, and seek clarification to understand the other person's perspective. Avoid finger-pointing and threats and use humor to ease tension when appropriate.

Conflict is a part of all aspects of life — individual, group, or public. Effective conflict management is crucial for health, personal productivity and relationship building. Understanding our reaction to conflict and employing mindfulness can reduce stress and achieve better outcomes.

Q: What are some tools Penn State students or employees can use to deal with conflict?

Falcone: Conflict is a natural part of life and, for students, college is an ideal environment to learn effective conflict resolution strategies. Addressing conflict is essential because unresolved conflict can lead to escalating tension, stress, damaged relationships and reduced productivity. Additionally, addressing conflict early prevents minor issues from becoming more significant, unmanageable problems.

Individuals should seek help when experiencing conflict to prevent it from escalating and negatively affecting their well-being or their academic performance. By learning to address conflict appropriately, students can focus on their personal and academic growth. Working through conflict can develop essential communication, negotiation and emotional intelligence skills. Using campus resources such as mediation services promotes a supportive environment and equips students with tools to handle future challenges constructively.

Penn State has numerous resources to help students and employees proactively address new and increasingly complex challenges and conflicts that arise.

RESOURCES:

For all

• Dealing with conflict - extension.psu.edu/dealing-with-conflict

• Conflict Styles, Outcomes, and Handling Strategies - extension.psu.edu/conflict-styles-outcomes-and-handling-strategies

For students

• Student Accountability and Conflict Response - studentaffairs.psu.edu/student-accountability

• Stress Management - studentaffairs.psu.edu/health-promotion/stress-management

• A guide to Penn State resources to manage stress for Stress Awareness Month - psu.edu/news/student-affairs/story/guide-penn-state-resources-manage-stress-stress-awareness-month/

• Office for Professional Mental Health: Student Resources - students.med.psu.edu/student-life/counseling/

For employees

• SupportLinc is Penn State's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provider. SupportLinc's resources are available to Penn State employees, their spouse and dependents, as well as members of their household. Contact SupportLinc at supportlinc.com (first-time visitors will need to set up an account), group code: pennstate, or call 1-888-501-3532. To view some of the offerings from SupportLinc, visit: hr.psu.edu/current-employee/health-wellbeing/supportlinc.

• Penn State’s Learning Resource Network, is a resource for Penn State faculty, staff and students that provides access to learning content. The LRN offers a variety of materials, including a Dealing with Conflict Playlist that offers courses, audiobooks, books and more on conflict resolution, conflict competence and building rapport to name a few.  

Editor's note: This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.